How to Support a Loved One Through a Mental Health Crisis—Without Losing Yourself

The past few weeks have been heavy in our home—quietly laced with worry, heartache, and the invisible weight that mental health struggles bring. It’s been a tender time, one where showing up has looked like simply getting through the day. 

While I won’t share the details because some stories aren’t mine to tell, I will say this: walking beside someone you love as they struggle can shake something deep within you. It tests your strength, your patience, and sometimes, your sense of self. And if you’re also on your healing journey, it can feel like you’re carrying two hearts through the storm—yours and theirs.

My own healing has been anything but linear. It’s been layered, messy, and full of moments where I had to relearn how to be gentle with myself. Through it, I’ve come to understand something that’s changed the way I see others: healing doesn’t look the same for everyone. 

It can’t be rushed, forced, or shaped into what we think it should be. Watching someone you love navigate their pain while you're still tending to your own can be heartbreaking—but it’s also a reminder that healing is deeply personal. We can’t do it for each other, but we can choose to walk alongside, with compassion and patience.

For them and for ourselves.

THE QUIET STRENGTH OF HEALING WHILE BEING THERE FOR SOMEONE ELSE

When someone you love is deep in a mental health struggle, your world can quietly begin to orbit around theirs. You become the steady one. The listener. The one who shows up when it’s hard. But what happens when you're trying to heal, too?

This is for the quiet caregivers. The ones carrying others while learning to hold themselves. The ones who smile through the ache, who offer comfort while craving it, who quietly put their needs aside because love tells them to.

This is a reminder that your healing matters too.

1. Know That It’s Okay Not to Be Okay

Supporting someone else doesn’t mean abandoning your pain. The more we push our feelings aside, the more they find quiet ways to surface—through burnout, numbness, or sudden waves of emotion that feel like too much, too fast.

You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed. Exhausted. Angry. Even resentful. Yes—resentful. That doesn’t make you unkind or unloving. 

It means you’re carrying a lot.

It means you’re still showing up, even when it’s heavy.

No rule says compassion must come at the cost of your well-being. And you don’t have to be perfectly put together to be a safe place for someone else. Your humanity is your strength.

Whisper this to yourself: “I don’t have to pretend I’m okay to be loving.”

Try this: Write yourself a permission slip: “I give myself permission to…” 

(Feel. Break. Rest. Heal. Start again.)

2. You’re Not Their Therapist But You Can Offer Mental Health Support

Your presence is powerful. Don’t underestimate how much it means to sit with someone in their pain, to say “I’m here” and mean it. But as much as you want to help—really help—it’s not your job to fix, diagnose, or carry everything.

You are not a therapist. And you don’t have to be.

It’s easy to fall into the role of the fixer. Especially when you love someone deeply. You listen, you offer support, and before you know it, you're holding their emotional world like it’s your responsibility to make it better. But true support doesn’t mean taking their healing into your hands. It means reminding them that they’re not alone while gently guiding them toward the professional help they may need.

You can be a safe space, a bridge toward healing, a mental health support, but you are not the destination. And that’s not a failure. That’s healthy. That’s love with boundaries.

Let go of the pressure to say the “right” thing or always be available. You don’t need to have all the answers. You’re not failing them by not knowing what to do.

Your love doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to be real.

If you’re someone who naturally wants to fix, help, or carry everyone you care about, here are three gentle reminders to help you support others without losing yourself.

1. Pause Before You Problem-Solve. When someone opens up, take a breath before offering solutions. Ask yourself: Are they asking for help, or just a safe space to be heard?

Sometimes the most healing thing you can say is, “I hear you. That sounds really hard. I’m here with you.”

2. Ask Instead of Assuming. Your instinct might be to jump in with advice or take action, but healing isn’t one-size-fits-all. Try asking: “What do you need from me right now?” “Do you want me to just listen, or are you looking for support in another way?”

 This creates space for them to express what they need, and relieves you from guessing or overreaching.

3. Set Loving Boundaries. Fixers often take on more than they can carry.

Remind yourself: You can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s okay to say, “I need to take care of myself right now, but I’m still here for you.”

 Boundaries are not walls—they’re bridges that keep relationships honest and sustainable.

3. Keep an Anchor for Yourself

In the middle of their chaos, don’t lose sight of your calm. When someone you love is hurting, it’s easy to forget that your own body and heart still need tending. You may go days without checking in with yourself, swept up in their storms, answering late-night texts, monitoring moods, or walking on emotional eggshells.

But here’s the truth: your nervous system matters, too. Your needs matter, too. And it’s not selfish to anchor yourself. It’s essential.

Carve out small, sacred moments each day that remind you: I still exist.

Even five minutes of intentional presence can create a ripple effect of calm. Not just for you, but for everyone around you.

Even five minutes can shift your energy:

• Breathe deeply before responding to a crisis

• Journal your truth—even in scribbles

• Drink your tea without multitasking

  
  

Ask yourself: What do I need right now? You matter, too.

4. Find a Space Where You’re the One Being Held

Even the strongest souls need soft places to land. As someone who often carries the weight of others’ struggles, it’s easy to forget that you need support, too. It’s tempting to believe that your role is to always be the rock, the caregiver, the one who has it all together. But deep down, we all need moments where we’re not the ones holding everything up.

Whether it’s a trusted friend, a support group, a writing circle, or a coaching session, find a space where your pain has a voice. A place where you don’t have to be the strong one. Where it’s okay to be vulnerable, to cry, to be exhausted, to not have all the answers. These spaces are sacred.

You deserve to be seen. To be heard. To be held in your struggles, just as you hold others in theirs.

5. You Are Not Failing

If you’ve felt invisible while being someone’s anchor, let this be your reminder: You matter. You are seen. Your strength is felt, even if it’s not always acknowledged in the ways you need.

And you are not failing.

It’s easy to slip into the belief that if you’re not constantly giving, constantly holding things together, then you’re not doing enough. You may wonder if you’re failing because no one notices the quiet sacrifices you make. But the truth is, showing up in ways no one else may see is still showing up, and those acts of love, of care, of presence, they are more than enough.

When you feel unseen, remember: the love you give doesn’t always need recognition to be valuable. You don’t have to earn your worth through endless giving. Your worth is already inherent.

You can hold someone else and still hold yourself. You can offer love without depleting your well-being. You can be there for someone and still acknowledge that your needs are valid.

As I write this, I want you to know that I am still learning these steps, too. Healing is not a destination. It’s a daily practice, a journey that I am walking one step at a time. I, too, am figuring it out as I go. Some days are harder than others, and some days I forget to take my own advice. But each day, I am committed to showing up for myself, just as I encourage you to show up for yourself.

We’re all in this together, learning to love ourselves while we love others. It’s okay to take it day by day. It’s okay not to have all the answers. And it’s okay to need help along the way.

Your journey matters. My journey matters. And together, we’ll keep moving forward, one step at a time.