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“You aren’t smart enough for that position.”
“Wow, have you gained weight?”
“Are you really sure that you want to eat that?”
“You don’t look good. Is everything okay?”
“I thought you would be doing something else with your life.”
“For how busy you are, I don’t know how you keep gaining weight.”
I think the list could go on and on with the things that others have said to me over the years. Things that at one point, would knock me down for weeks because I believed them. Their words slowly became my own as the years went past.
I didn’t fight back.
I never stuck up for myself.
Instead…
I decided that they were correct and had every right to talk to me like that. Sometimes they said it to my face and other times they would say it to other people. They knew that I wasn’t going to say anything.
I lacked confidence in myself and those people knew how to pounce on that and use it to their advantage.
TURNING OTHERS WORDS INTO MY OWN
We don’t grow up thinking all of these horrible things about ourselves. NO! We learn them from those around us. We soak up everything that they say or even HOW they say certain things. Eventually, after hearing them time and time again, we decide that they must be true and so we repeat them.
I was GREAT at repeating those awful things inside my own head. Words that, before the age of 18, I wouldn’t have believed.
Eventually, I no longer needed to hear anyone else say those nasty things because they were on replay in my head. Day in and day out, all I heard was my voice, telling me that I wasn’t good enough. Telling me that I wasn’t pretty enough. Telling me that I wasn’t skinny enough. Telling me that I wasn’t confident enough. And so I believed it.
For years, my voice replayed every message that I got that I just wasn’t enough. It affected every aspect of my life. From being a mother to being a wife. I doubted every step in my life, wondering if I could do better or be better.
Growing up, wanting to be perfect meant that with these words in my head, I was compensating even more for my “lack”. And there is not enough compensation to make up for the disapproval you feel when nothing but negativity is going through your head.
LEARNING TO LOVE WHO I WAS MEANT SHUTTING DOWN THOSE VOICES
I notice it now it others.
I notice when their thoughts come spilling out of their mouths as if they owe me an explanation for something in their lives.
It makes me uncomfortable to hear women dismiss themselves so quickly but it also makes my fire burn brighter to get them to notice what they are actually saying.
I am here to tell you that those voices aren’t telling you the truth.
THEY ARE LYING TO YOU!!
You are exactly where you are meant to be. It may not be where you want to be but your story isn’t over yet. Your story is in progress and you are here to continue to move forward.
How do you do that though?
How do you learn to love who you are in the present moment?
How do you learn to shut down those voices?
How do you learn to move past the thoughts of others?
It is all about being intentional. Learning to live intentionally every single day is going to help you move forward. I am going to break down how I have moved past those awful thoughts of others and learned to love my imperfect self.
CHANGING THE WORDS WITHIN MY HEAD
This is not easy to do. It isn’t going to happen overnight. It may not even happen 12 months from now but if you continue to do the work, show up for yourself, and be intentional with the words that you use, this can change.
For the next 7 days, I want you to grab a notebook and keep track of your thoughts throughout the day. No judgment. This is only going to work if you are honest with yourself.
No one else needs to see this but it is a great way to start to notice what your thought patterns are and what you are repeating in your head.
The easiest way to do this is to set an alarm for every hour. Once your alarm goes off, write down the thoughts that you have had. Otherwise, if you want, once a negative thought comes in, write it in the notebook and keep track that way.
USE AFFIRMATIONS
Make this easy for yourself and have these affirmations in high-traffic areas. A few places that I have affirmations written so that I can see them are…
My fridge
Bathroom mirrors
Home screen and lock screen on my phone
These are places that I am always in. When I walk into any of these rooms or open my phone, I automatically repeat the affirmations. It is a great way to make using affirmations easy for yourself and to make it a habit.
I would also suggest writing them out every morning and evening in a journal.
What are the benefits of using affirmations?
There are so many different benefits but here are a few of them.
Influencing your subconscious mind to change your thought patterns
Changing your negative thought patterns to positive ones
Boost your self-confidence
Motivates you to reach your goals
A few of my favourite affirmations that I use are…
I trust and believe in the process.
I am exploring what it means to be me.
My thoughts and actions are aligned and intentional.
I am in the healing process and giving myself grace.
The only thing I need to be is real.
I am embracing my past to change my future.
When you are coming up with an affirmation for yourself, look back on the notebook where you are keeping track of all the negative thoughts. Pick one of those thoughts that you want to switch.
How can you turn it into a positive?
Remember when you are creating an affirmation, you don’t want negative wording in it. You want it to be positive.
EMBRACING WHO YOU ARE IN THIS MOMENT
You are probably wondering, how do I do that? Well here is my trick. If you have been following me for a while, you have heard me talk about this before. This is something that I continue to do on a daily basis and have been since I started my healing journey in 2014.
Getting naked in front of a mirror.
HOWEVER, WE ARE GOING TO TAKE IT UP A NOTCH!!
When you are standing in front of the mirror naked, I want you to pick a body part that you struggle with.
Once you have this body part picked out, I want you to list 3-5 things that you LOVE about that piece of you.
So for example, I struggled with the stretch marks on my body from pregnancy. I hated them and really needed to change my view of them. So I would look in the mirror and list all of the reasons why my stretchmarks were a positive thing.
I love my stretch marks because they gave me 3 beautiful children.
I love my stretch marks because my body was able to carry 3 children.
I love my stretch marks because I have had 14+ years of memories as a mom.
When you begin to see the positives in a body part you hate, your affection grows. There is always a reason to be grateful and love your body as it is.
Just because you aren’t where you think you should be doesn't mean you are any less worthy of love.
When it comes to overcoming the impact that others' words have on you, you need to be intentional with what you allow in. It is going to take time to relearn all of this so be gentle with yourself. You are building a better version by deciding now is the time.
Are you ready to be confident and love every piece of yourself? Start with these steps and watch as you begin to change your future by being intentional in the present.
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